Busy Times

It has been a minute or a month – almost two.

I have done some things.
*written a long-time-coming, heartfelt guest (blog) post on domestic violence.
*walked around numerous lakes.
*traveled to Washington, D.C. (LOVED IT.)
*taken many photos (see instagram, facebook, twitter, and possibly flickr. see also: dropbox [privacy]).
*planned a trip to Seattle, WA (so soon!).

This winter seems never-ending (spring refuses to be sprung).

Luckily, I have two sweet cats. I will have a soon-to-be-new-to-me (as-yet-unknown) foster dog (around the end of this month).

I have a great job.
*a loving family and fantastic friends.
*mad love for this sweet blog post (and the freaking adorable photos that go with it).
*a new (blue) couch.
*a new favorite coffee shop (seriously. best.latte.ever.).

I am…
done (micro)blogging for today.

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Adultesque?

Is this what an adult does?

Recently I have:
*Taken a (x-mas gifted) micro-mini-vacation with my love complete with a jacuzzi, antiquing, and delicious meals (as well as no TV and no Internet).
*Filed my taxes. WHAT WHAT?! I don’t care what you say – filing taxes is hard and stressful (for me).
*Discussed future plans of cohabitation. Holy holy, breaking out the big guns.
*Compared notes regarding romance with my heterosexual (and mostly married) female coworkers.

The one that has been striking me the most lately, in a “What the hell?” kind of way, is the last one.
My coworkers go on and on about the lack of romance in their relationships.
They are perfectly content to:
*never get flowers (some never even get cards)
*clean up after their husbands (in a variety of ways)
*prescribe desired gifts rather than receive nothing or something unwanted due to perceived (or actual?) inattention to detail by their husbands
*withhold specially requested holiday “nookie” due to lack of attention/recognition
*accept the stupidity (ignorance?) of the men they have chosen to marry

What this all begs to question is – HOW THE HELL DO THESE MEN GET WOMEN? And why do these women stay with them?
Are (the straight, married) women(that I know)’s expectations really that low?
I just – I can’t – I just can’t even.

I told my coworkers today that I was so happy to be queer. I (for the most part) don’t have these issues. There is no “the man buys this” or “the woman does that.” There is thoughtfulness, love, caring, time, attention, trust, honestly, devotion, creativity… the list goes on and on – and this comes from BOTH sides of the relationship – there are no gender or role expectations.

My love recently mentioned that an ex of hers used to tell her that she needed to be “more butch.” Oh sweetie, honey, I love you just the way that you are. This “more butch” stuff is bullshit. If this butch is not the butch you are looking for, that is fine, but don’t try to change your butch into something she is (they are) not. Accept her (them) for who she is (they are), and move on! I would be sad if I wasn’t “allowed” to buy my significant other flowers due to roles/expectations. I would be dually disappointed if I had to accept nothing (not even a simple, cost-free, token of affection in the form of a clean house or a warm cooked meal) on a holiday.

I just – I just – I am just so damn glad to be in a healthy relationship with reciprocation – in the form of affection, words, emotions… and, yes, sometimes, material gifts.

I mean, really. HOW HARD IS IT TO BUY A FREAKING TULIP.
(yes I realize the above photos is of roses)
Damn.

New Career Opportunity:
Boot Camp for Clueless Partners.
Follow-up:
Classes on Not Settling.
Or something.
Yeah.

Snow as a trigger

Just look at me picking this snow dragon’s nose!

Perhaps I shouldn’t live any place that snows anymore.
Perhaps I should avoid my past, pretend it never happened, and move away to the driest of deserts.
Perhaps.

Instead, I choose to muddle through and move on.

Three years and a couple of weeks ago, I had the worst time of my life.
But that wasn’t just the beginning. I had lived in and with (emotional, mental, and ultimately physical) abuse for years before I tired to get out – and got hurt so much worse.

During this terrible time (which I won’t dwell on, so as to not trigger anyone else’s PTSD), there was snow. Lots of snow. Snow that stuck (and stuck) in a place (the southwest) where snow doesn’t tend to stick.

Today I am stressed. I have work to do, I have laundry to do. I need to drive across town this evening so I can take my girlfriend to a very important medical appointment in the morning. I wish (these snowy) things didn’t bother me the way that they do. Snow that sticks makes me feel trapped and wonder if perhaps living in Minnesota isn’t for me? Oh, but (I know) it is. My family is here, a large and supportive queer community is here, I have a fantastic job / home / life / friends here, but still some days I wake up scared. I remember what it felt like to be locked down for hours at a time and to have to stand up on top of a bunk bed in order to see out the window only to see blinding, road-blocking, school-closing snow. And it felt (it feels) terrible.

I’ve had bad dreams the past two nights, woken up with a headache both days.

This morning I awoke to a new photo on the interwebs of someone I used to date. And, honestly, it made me feel better (sorry, person, but damn – you spew vitriol and you lie so much online – it makes me sad. I may have dated you for a short time, but I sure as hell didn’t know you).

I know I am making good decisions in my life.

I am on track to be in the best shape of my life – physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

I miss the mountains and some days I truly do mourn for the sun (especially in the thick of a northern winter), but I do not miss the jail cell that I walked into every day when I got home from work. The prison of a controlling relationship and living in a place cut off from those close to me, with little support.

I know I am home here. I know I am stronger because of what I went through three plus years ago. I know I can handle the drive across town tonight and the early morning doctor’s visit. I know I can do this.

I would like to believe the snow can never hold me back again.

Now begins a chance to prove it.

I Love My Girlfriend And Wine

Mostly my girlfriend (see above).

In my early-to-mid 20s, when I was acting a bit ridiculous at home and my roommate (one roommate in particular) would make fun, I would always respond with, “I’ve had wine.” As if it were the perfect excuse for everything.
Tonight, I’ve had wine.

I’ve also had more love and affection in the past four plus months than I’ve had in over two years. Over two years, people! Talk about a drought. The odd part is, I was still dating – I was just… (and maybe they were just…) distant.

Now I’m dating a pretty fantastic person. So fantastic, in fact, that even when I get all neurotic and call my mom for advice, she suggests that I give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. This is big. Big. HUGE. Julia Roberts’ character in Pretty Woman style huge (except, not a mistake). I love it.

In completely unrelated yet important to me news, I finally have internet at home. After over two years without (I’m sensing a theme here…). It’s pretty fantastic, to say the least.

In other other news, Justin Bieber stole my hairstyle (shocking) from 2003. No, seriously. My hair looked just like this in April of 2003. Now you know.

And, really, I think that’s enough for now. Thanks for reading. More to come. Soon. Until then, please take a gander at these pictures of hot butches in ties. You’re welcome.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone

My new(est) motto is as follows, “Hey, I don’t have to be friends with everyone.”

Now, I know this sounds simple – but it isn’t. Not for me.
You see, I grew up as a shy kid, who really came into their own in their later teens, college years, and beyond. Growing up I was so quiet, so unwilling to talk to strangers, yet so loud and boisterous around close friends. Somewhere in the mix I grew into a people pleaser.
These days, I have a close knit group of fantastic friends, and am connected to a number of people out in the community. It used to bother me when folks dropped me out of their lives or did things that I considered neglectful in friendship. And now? I follow my motto – I simply do not have to be friends with everyone. It works – most of the time.

Recent examples:

A coworker who challenges me (in a confrontational way, not in a good, motivational way) at work. I need to quit stressing about it and move on. I don’t have to be their friend.

People on Twitter who I ask questions of and they don’t respond. Yes, it does bug me, but you know what? We don’t really know each other. I need to let it go.

Folks who I know in real life who lie on the internet. I feel sad for them, I’m disappointed in their shenanigans. I’m disgusted by what I read. But ultimately, I don’t have to be their friend.

My girlfriend’s ex. I really like her. So much! But she pulled a douche move yesterday. Now, I will be cordial, but I am not sure if I will ever be able to be anything more than an acquaintance to her. It’s a long, private story, but the moral of it is – I don’t have to be friends with everyone.

I’m sure I could come up with more examples, but for now I’ll let it be at this.

Remember folks – you don’t have to be friends with everyone. If someone isn’t treating you right – never forget – you don’t have to be their friend.

Crushes are Awesome

I started dating the sweetest of sweet people in late July.

It came on slowly – things were nervous and awkward, at first. I considered running. That was a bad idea.

Luckily, I gave it a second chance. I really like dating her. She is sweet, honest, nervous, fun, human (so real, genuine). It’s so fabulous to have that crushed-out feeling again. I missed it.

When I’m with her, I feel confident, but not cocky. I feel supported and cared for – I feel attended to and liked. She’s so thoughtful – flowers, cards, phone calls, txts, check-ins. I love it.

I hope I make her feel the same way.

Dating can be great!

I am so crushed out right now.

You have stolen my sign, you have ripped my (replacement) sign, but you cannot change my vote!

My property has been damaged. My space has been violated. My spirit has been (temporarily) weakened.

I urge you, Minnesotans – VOTE NO.

If you didn’t already know, it is not legal for same sex couples to get married in this state.
However; folks have put a vote on the ballot to make it effectively more illegal (a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage).

If the vote passes, it will be extremely difficult for same sex couples to ever get married in Minnesota.
If the vote does not pass, same sex couples in Minnesota still will not have any marriage rights.
We can have domestic partnership, nothing will change.

I am not the most political person in the world.
I have never posted political yard signs before.
I live on a relatively busy road in the heart of the twin cities.

Over the weekend, I had one sign stolen (go missing) overnight.
The following night someone ripped my replacement sign.
They tried to remove it from the stakes, but I stapled it to the stakes to make it harder to remove. They must’ve given up (didn’t expect the staples, I suppose), ripped it, and walked away.

I now have a back-up sign, just in case.

I am hoping that, after Labor Day, things will calm down (there will be less out of town traffic in my neighborhood). I trust that my neighbors are not the kind of people who would steal from me and damage my property. I hope that this was done by someone who is visiting from out of town and who will get out of (my) town.

When you steal my sign, when you vandalize my property, in my yard, it hurts me to the core. I am a queer Minnesotan. I am part of a fabulous, active, passionate, and resilient minority group. When the majority personally attacks me and my property, I am hurt but I will not back down.

You stole my sign.
You ripped my property.
You violated my rights.
Do what you may – you will NEVER change my vote.

I WILL VOTE NO.

3) The missing sign, Sunday morning.
2)The replacement (and back-ups), Sunday afternoon.
(I don’t know who replaced it – but I am forever grateful to them.)
1) The damage that I found this morning (which I have repaired).